Traditional vs. Non-Traditional

A man and a woman fall in love and decide to marry. Seems simple enough. But what follows that decision is anything but simple. For starters, the couple must decide what kind of wedding they would like to have, then begin the planning process.
Over the years, this process has become somewhat complicated, as the choices are endless as far as size of the wedding, style, venue, religious or non-religious ceremony. Today’s couples do not automatically assume their wedding will be in a church with all of the traditional rituals.
Sheryl and Rod Sedgeman of Wedding Minister 4U in Houghton Lake conduct 75 to 100 weddings each year throughout Michigan, and rarely are they of a purely traditional nature.
“Only about 5 percent of them are in a church,” said Sheryl, adding that most of the couples they see have no church affiliation.
“With a church wedding, there are many requirements, and people don’t want to go through the rigors of (pre-marriage) counseling.”
The Rev. John Naile of Gaylord performs many weddings each year, as well, typically inside the church using a Christian ceremony and traditional vows. But before he marries a couple, he counsels them on some critical issues in order to ensure the man and woman are enlightened as to the commitment they will soon make.
“I say to couples that marriage is the hardest work a man and woman will ever do,” he said. “They will grow, they will mature, and things happen in their lives, yet the sanctity of the marriage is crucial and the commitment to one another is important. It’s not simply a coming together of two people who will live together.”
“We (the Christian clergy) regard the union as very sacred and very important, and not to be looked upon as simply a rite of passage,” said the pastor. “It’s the coming together of two people who will become a family. They draw from one another. They receive from one another. Marriage is a living thing.”
Rev. Naile stressed the importance of the vows – the deep commitment that is incorporated into them and the spiritual dimension that exists.
“I will say, ‘You are making these vows before God and these witnesses’. The couple is saying before God, ‘I will love and cherish you until death do us part’... It is a covenant. It is an agreement.”
Although the majority of the weddings that Sheryl and Rod perform are outside the church in various venues, it is interesting to note, said Sheryl, that most couples choose traditional wedding garb even though the location might allow for something more casual. And the vows, she added, range from traditional to non-traditional to sometimes downright unusual.
Rod and Sheryl, along with daughter Sarah who works with her parents as a wedding officiant, offer a wide variety of wedding packages in order to tailor a wedding to fit the bride and groom, their tastes, and their personalities. Though they do meet with each couple prior to the wedding day, said Sheryl, they do not conduct any actual counseling like that which takes place prior to a traditional Christian ceremony.
“If a couple is in love enough that they want to be married,” Sheryl commented, “then I’m not going to ask any questions.”
But whether a couple seeks out a minister and a church for their wedding or an officiant and a more casual venue, that is just the beginning. It’s the intangible aspects that will ultimately bind a man and woman to each other.
Communication is of utmost importance, remarked Rev. Naile.
Sheryl echoed that, emphasizing, “If they have good communication and can keep the line of communication open, that is the key.”

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